he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
