I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
