we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
