Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
40s are totally the cure
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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