I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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