Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize