I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
