The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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