I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
