I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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