her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
