So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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