and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
