Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
