I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
