i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
