dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
