Pants 0. Shit 1.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize