her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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