u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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