It's Friday. Sex?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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