Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
