Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Two words: nipple clamps
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