Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Boobs speak an international language.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't turn off my feet"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
