Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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