Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize