Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
