omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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