dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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