Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
