I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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