where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
