How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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