It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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