I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
