we're chasing vodka with high fives
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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