almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
