You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
