totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
