"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
