Sober January is a disaster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
