i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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