Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
