We won't sleep together?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
