worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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