Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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