i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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