He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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