Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So much rum. So many feels.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
