I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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