i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
