Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
