And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
