Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
