I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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