five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
