when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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