farters have to be the big spoon...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
