Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
