I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
