Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
