I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
