Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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