I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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