Soap is not a condiment
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
