I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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