why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
sex in a hospital.. check
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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