I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize