I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
should my penis look like a turkey
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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