I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
