i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
