Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
