he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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