Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
