I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize