OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
