I accidentally burped into my bong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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