Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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