WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
