how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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