if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
