how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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