respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize