dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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