I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
a search helicopter?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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