ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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