she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize