I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
