The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
