What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
