We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize