You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
