He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
