his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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