The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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