bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
