Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
