The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize