Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
