Just took my morning after pill in the library
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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