looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
